Sweatshops and Cornerstore.

I haven 't bought new clothes in a long time. This choice also coincides with my choice to stop eating at McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, etc. I buy most of my clothes at thrift stores. My socks and underwear are probably made in a sweatshop but i buy them from a local corner store in Albany Park from a family that provides wholesale. I feel a little better about it because they need the support more than Target does.

I have a Nike shirt that I got from a friend. It's older and has an feel like it came out of the time when Hip Hop was just getting started. I was torn about it. I was hungover and I didn't really think about what was on the front of it. It just looked comfortable and old. In a quick thought I grabbed a Sharpie and wrote "Sweatshops" right over the top of it. It was the first time i was able to express hidden feelings about why I buy thrift store clothes.

I have been wearing this shirt for a long time. When the "Sweatshops" wears off, I just rewrite it in different colors.

I sometimes want to buy the new U.S. made clothes because they aren't made in a sweatshop but they are so expensive. Then I feel like I just spent my whole paycheck to make a statement...I don't want to be a statement oriented person. I just want to be happy. I guess I'm saying I can't really be happy about my clothing choices unless some things change. Until then I will still shop at thrift stores and try to fix clothes that are falling apart from free piles and trades and stuff.

I just don't feel comfortable about filling the pockets of the rich and ignorant in the U.S. while 7 year olds are being forced to push their calloused fingers through over run sewing machines for barely enough to eat.

I work at at an office where I'm supposed to dress up formally. I do my best for what I can get. I am thankful that no one has said anything to me about my clothes but I just can't buy great fitting clothes that are super clean and fashionable. I know that it probably makes some people look down on me but I wait for the day when someone does ask me about it. I can't wait to tell them why. If It doesn't work out that's okay. It's more important to me to be the person I want to be than to buy new clothes from department stores, etc.

I have one other shirt that I wear regularly that I have changed what it says on it. It's a Cornerstone Festival t-shirt. I changed the n to an r. I remember going to that festival when I was 15 and it felt so much different. As I got older I realized why I felt less and less a part of it. It wasn't just because of the obvious. The big bands, MXPX, Relient K, POD....you get the idea. I don't like those bands. I will admit that I did listen to MXPX when I was younger. My point is these bands are big markets. They have images. Innocence has been lost and the t-shirts fly and the free downloads slow up computers. The festival has become Cornerstore to me. It's not what I would like to be a part of. There is a group of folks who go to the festival to meet new people and share ideas. I like a great deal of those people but I feel like we may be able to experience good things within this Christian Market, but it's just too overwhelming. Money has become so important in the Christian music world. It just makes sense to call it Cornerstore.

It also makes sense that it would lead to emptiness. A lot of people go to these events to be revived and feel better after a long year of back braking, or stress fracturing work. When I go it just makes me feel alone. I guess it's because I choose not to fall for it.

It takes work to find others that don't fall for it either and I'm not just talking about Cornerstone. I'm talking about Nike. I'm talking about McDonalds. *I have to say that the only good thing McDonalds has going for it is hot meals for cheap. I could never tell a family who is struggling to survive that it's wrong for them to eat at McDonalds. If your homeless and you have 2 dollars you can get enough food for most of your day.*

I want so much to live in a world free from this emptiness.

One of the best ways I've been free from it is believing in myself. It's a new world to me. It's so easy to think that I'm not ever going to be the person I want to be because of the massive heaviness that comes with all that marketing. I'm so tired of people telling how I'm supposed to feel. When I do what I love like make stuff, make music, share quality time with my friends and challenge myself to not feel down when tv commercials and grocery stores and big bands and sexism and racism and people accepting sweatshops as normal and being put down or...you get the idea. The more I am me. The more I am free.

tired

from the caverns of exhaustion comes some words and stuff. Great is the day that stakes a claim on effervescent knowledge outstanding hooliganary.

soldier fields imperial goal tending evolution coexisting to travel in time and stop aging again?

growth in the water population and it's going to just be that way. red pleather stether McClever.

Seond

cd covers/laundry/piles of work

work...sometimes it seems like thats all i do. I have to be up in 6 hours so I'll keep this short. I realize that I wouldn't be able to do half the stuff I do if it wasn't for friends. You know who you are I'm not going to get all mushy. Anyway....Kristen, Kelly and I made about 100 covers tonight. We have about 400 to go. Things are looking good. CD duplication is happening tomorrow at Truthsculpture Studios and I'm hoping to crash somewhere and play a solo show on Friday if everything works out...

We're sending out posters tomorrow too so If we're playing at one of your venues your getting a package soon. It's so weird to be doing all this stuff. It's true that at least this part of my life is getting to be diy enough for me to feel like I have some cred. I'm definitely not faking diy that's for sure.

I actually got laundry done tonight. I can't wait until a day when I can play music and produce albums with at least half of my time. The other half would be split between side jobs and time alone and with my friends and family. Time to relax and read stuff. Draw, Paint, etc... I think the only way to get there is right into the storm. At least when it rains next time I'll be prepared for it.

Have a good night or day.
later, Billy T.

it's ten and i should be asleep. oh overtime and work days and such. it's all i have during the week. rehearsal was super great tonight. we snapped right into everything. we hung out at chucks and ate pizza and hung out most of the time just talking but when we got to working on songs they felt so good. we have a couple of more rehearsals until we leave for the south and I feel great.

less than a week and we should have 3 cd's realeased. i'm so stoked.